Theme Thursday - Wrinkle

sorry for the late post everyone!!

WorryWorryWorry - I feel like thats all that's going around my brain all day sometimes. i dont really stress but i worry... its hard to explain the difference, but its there. Worry is sort of more ponderous and think-y whereas stress is like AHH what do i do! sort of. I don't know. I'm not much good with words.
i worry because
i feel things too deeply
i dont read the signs
i am self centred
i need to wake up from this sleep i have inflicted upon myself
i dont know what to do to snap out of it
i dont feel the way i should feel
i care about people too much
i am not motivated enough
I could go on but I won't bore you... Well wish me luck on not getting worry lines at the age of 17, i might need all the luck i can get! :P

Theme Thursday - Mystery

Life in general is one big mystery to me at the moment

What will i do next year?

What do i ultimately want from life?

Do i still believe what i always thought i knew?

Am i still the sort of person i thought i was?

What do i do about les garçons? :P

Do i still feel how i feel?

How do i know whats real and whats not?

♫Is morality real to me, can i believe in what i cannot see?♫

The answer to all of these is je ne sais pas...

Where do i find these answers to life?

There should be a book.

I promise you that if i find the answers, i'll write a book.

you?

i just don't know how i feel
about anything
anymore

and i hate it
and it frustrates me

why don't i know how i feel?

so i stay in limbo

and that's not fair
but then i don't know exactly how you feel either
but im pretty sure i have a fair idea

♫
Maybe I'm down low.
Maybe I'm up high.
Maybe I'm losing my own mind.
♫

Theme Thursday - Pink

The delicate pink roses lay trodden on, on the floor. Melanie screamed as he struck another blow. She wished she hadn't mentioned his drinking at all. She wished she could take it all back and pretend she was fine with their relationship, with his mood swings. She was such an idiot for mentioning it in the first place - it was all her fault for provoking him. He was in such a good mood when he got home, had bought her roses and everything. And then she had to go and ruin it all. stupid, stupid, stupid. When he was in a good mood, all was right with the world; the sun shone and she glimpsed the chance of the life she craved. She had thought it would be a good time to bring up some of the things that had been troubling her, maybe even tell him about the baby. In a good mood, he could be nothing but happy, right? wrong. she hadn't even told him yet and here he was, punching her over and over. Kicking her when she was down.
Fifteen minutes later she was still lying on the kitchen floor, face turned towards those dirty pink roses, and they were mocking her, reminding her that all attempts at happiness were futile; she knew, she just knew that the baby was gone. and so were her dreams.

Just a bit of fiction for you to read :) i hate colour themes and I never know what to write, so i wrote a story. hope you like it :)

its so confusing understanding you its making me not want to do the things i know i should do

So, i went to Otago yesterday to have a look at the open day at the uni. And, i don't know how to explain it but i felt like something clicked, like yeah this is where i should be. I still don't know what course I want to do or the specific job i want to end up in but i really think that Otago is the place for me :) so that's really awesome, as i was starting to doubt whether going to uni next year was the right thing for me or not and this is just total affirmation that it is. I was thinking about what I'm passionate about to help me decide what job i would like to end up in and i came to the conclusion that the only thing i'm really passionate about is helping people. so i'm thinking social worker or something along those lines? i dont know what else there is... maybe do law and be a child advocate? je ne sais pas : /