theme thursday - fence, but also a rant just because i can

I used to like being alone. I liked to feel self-sufficient. I liked to feel in control.
But it gets depressing, cooking meals for one. Cleaning an already clean house because there's no one around to mess it up. I still like to be in control. But I get lonely.
Oh sure, my brother is here but him being here is the same as being alone.

And then I go to work and people are just rude, like SERIOUSLY I WANTED TO PUNCH SOMEONE, the smug bastard.
I'd rather be home alone being depressed.

I need another job.
Something interesting.
Somewhere i feel like I make a difference.
Where I can make an impact on people's lives.
Where people don't ask stupid questions.

I feel like my life is on the fence at the moment.
Waiting for next year.
Waiting for my life to begin.

Memories, they fall like the autumn leaves and disintegrate into nothing

Sunshine
Cobbled pavements
Shower raves
Bars at 1am
Internet cafes at 1am when we missed our loved ones too much
That misshapen tree near the Pont du Gard
The t-shirt coversation
Crying in the middle of the night
Laughing in the middle of the night
Her hand was paper
Bed raves
Epic Patisseries
Freedom
Carefree memories
'Preservatif' machine photos
General craziness
We all gathered in one room and cried together
Awkward Friday on the bus
Adventures
Carcasonne
Shopping
Photos with Prince Charming

A million reasons to stay
A million and one reasons to leave

France.

earthquake times

So. On saturday night there was a massive earthquake just west of Christchurch, 7.1 on the richter scale, it was felt in more than 50 percent of New Zealand. Bloody freaky! Luckily though, I live just out of Christchurch and there was no damage to my house even though a small town nearby got hit pretty bad, with buildings on the main street pretty much just disintegrating. The quake hit at around 4.30 am and the funny thing is, it never occured to me to get out of bed... dumb or what?!?! I am just so so thankful there is no damage here and my heart really goes out to all those who have had damage to their homes and those who may have to demolish their homes. It's times like this though that it's important to remember that possessions don't matter. We are not defined by what we own, but by who we are - we are fashioned by a God who loves us and nothing else matters in the end

Theme Thursday - Palm

Guess what I'm holding in my palm right now?
My full licence!!!!
That's right, you better watch out
I'll be on a road near you
after 10 pm :o
with passengers :o :o
LEGALLY :O :O :O :O
Yeah I'm very excited haha can you tell

Theme Thursday - Light

Enlightenment.

What does it really mean?

Is it really knowing the meaning of the world, the universe and Everything?

Is is when you finally understand that tricky bit of algebra you took forever to get?

Is it finally realising that life is imperfect?

That love is imperfect?

That the world is imperfect?

That I am the furtherest from perfection you can get?

Or is it finding the perfections in imperfections?

The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel...

The silver lining in the cloud...

The rainbow after the rain...

The good among the bad.

It is the contrasts in life that make us realise how good we really have it

And for me, that is enlightenment.

Theme Thursday - Park

Park.

Hmm. My friend Kristin and I have a park that we refer to as 'Our Park'. I have no idea what it's really called but we always go there when we wanna talk. Kristin and I have had many deep and meaningful conversations in that park. We found it one day on a whim when we met at the mall and decided that we shouldn't be wasting a sunny day, so we went off in search of a park. We walked, searching fruitlessly for a park, for a long time. Eventually there was yet another street coming off to our right, so I said "Hey this looks like a park-like street!" It was really just wishful thinking, but sure enough, halfway down the street, there was a park!

Below are some pictures we've taken there





Kristin, doing an Irish dance move
and...
Me, trying to imitate it... not doing so well...

You're the one thing on my mind but that could change any time

It's been a while since I've actually blogged, so I thought I would for once :)

So. I've pretty much decided I'm gonna move to Wellington next year! I'm pretty excited about that :D :D I went to Wellington last week to look at the Uni and stuff and it seemed pretty cool. Yesterday I felt so bad cos my mum asked me if I missed my bf when i was away and I was like "YES!!" and then she said she bets I didn't miss her... awkward... I was like "uhh... well it was only 5 days..." I try not to lie even if it is to protect people's feelings but i think I should have done in this case : / Oh well. I'm actually ecstatic to be leaving home! Not because I hate my family, but yeah I'm not particuarly attatched to them either and it'll be great to be totally independent.
Quel d'autre?
In just one month I'm gonna be a Godmother :o it's a bit exciting but a bit scary that my friend is gonna have a baby in one month's time, it just seems unreal! Ahhh baby shower next week, I need to start making the gift! I must get around to doing that. I think I should take up knitting and I'll be one of those awesome Godmothers who always gives the kid stuff :D I hope I will be involved in his life, even though I'm moving to Wellington : / oh well, I know that I'll come back to visit and I will definitely be visiting my friend because I'm gonna miss her so much, being so far away!
14 weeks left of school, ever. I always thought I'd reach this point and be totally ecstatic, but no. It freaks me out so much, you have no idea!! I mean, I think I do feel ready to leave school but at the same time it's bloody scary!
Life seems to be changing a lot just recently but it's definitely all positive changes so I guess I don't mind. It's just kind of weird when everything seems to happen all at once. Like, I remember that about three or four months ago, I was talking to a friend about relationships and stuff like that. And I said to him, one day I want to feel like this about someone, and I put on this song...

Happy - NeverShoutNever!
You make me happy, whether you know it or not
We should be happy, that's what I said from the start
I am so happy
Knowin' you are the one that I want for the rest of my days
For the rest of my days, yo all of my days

You're lookin' so cool, you're lookin' so fly
I cant deny that when I'm starin' you down and dead in the eye
I wanna try to be the person you want the person you need
It's hard to conceive that somebody like you could be with someone like me

I'm happy knowin' that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think the more I wish that we could lay here for hours and just reminisce
Ooh-ooh

You're lookin' so fresh, it's catchin' my eye
Why oh why did I not see this before
The girl I adore was right in front of me
And now I'll take a step back and look in your eye
And ask why it took so long to see we're meant to be

I'm happy knowin' that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think the more I wish that we could lay here for hours and just reminisce
On the good, the bad, the ugly
The smiles, the laughs, the funny
Oh, the things we put each other through
It's for you, for you, for you

You make me happy, whether you know it or not
We should be happy, that's what I said from the start
I am so happy
Knowin' you are the one that I want for the rest of my days
For the rest of my days

I'm happy knowin' that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think the more I wish that we could lay here for hours and just reminisce
Ooh-ooh

And well, now that's exactly how I feel about someone. It's sorta amazing, I never thought that it would happen, it was more of a 'I wish' sort of thing. Like I said, life changes so much, and it changes so quickly. But it's great, fantastic even :)

Thought for Today
Take chances. Honestly, that's how the greatest of things can happen. Sure, sometimes it'll backfire but you'll never know if you don't try

Theme Thursday - Blue

Blue!

Well this is apt!

I am currently in WELLINGTON :D which is awesome

''So, Jo, why is blue apt?''

Ah yes well i'm very glad you asked

I am feeling blue because I am so far away from my amazingly amazing boyfriend :(

''But, Jo, it's only for five days''

Thank you, voice in my head, i know that! but it doesn't stop me missing him like crazy :( :(

''You'll be fine''

Yes I know but I don't want to be fine, I want to be happy, and no one makes me happier!

''So, Jo, what do you think of Wellington?''

Well you know how I wrote that blog about really loving Otago? I like Wellington much more. Unfortunately there's no course in social work specifically but I'll just do psych and sociology instead and I can still go into social work if I want :) And now I'm really excited to move here next year :) plus, I know my cousins would love it if I moved here and it would be great to be able to see them lots! So I can't really see why I shouldn't move here next year :)

''And, Jo, what was the most exciting part of your day?''

I got the lovely Siobhan the awesomest birthday present :) ANDANDAND I BOUGHT A POCKET WATCH :D:D:D:D

''Ilove this conversation we're having! You never talk to me when other people are around!''

Alright time to shut up and log out, happy theme thursday :)

Theme Thursday - Triangle

The scent of him. It was intoxicating. Suddenly, her senses were more alive than they'd ever been. She felt... aware. Of his every movement, of that hint of a smile in his eyes, of the way he bit his lip when he was thinking. It was almost more than she could take.

Beautiful would be an understatement, she was gorgeous. Her naturally lovely personality shone through and somehow improved her looks all the more. Her hair blazed red in the sunlight, she had lips like fire and eyes like ice. It was enough to make him melt.

Tessa watched the two through narrowed eyes. He was HER man. Hers. Sure, she didn't like him all that much; every little thing he did annoyed her. The way his eyes smiled in merriment while making fun of her, the way he bit his lip when he was thinking. It was almost more than she could take and sometimes she wanted to slap him. But she needed him. He was her safety net. She knew he was always there and though she wasn't happy, he was all she had right now.

Theme Thursday - Camera

It's not real.
Everyone posing for the happy cheesy smiling group photo.

In reality...

Mum says "Smile" and smiles through gritted teeth while elbowing you.
You don't actually like all the people in this photo... in fact, this certain one always pisses you off...
Why should you smile for your school photo? You aren't happy, you're at school!!

But then, those candid shots...

the couple smiling cheesily at one another, caught off guard
The two friends laughing together, having no idea a photo was taken
The cousins playing a game of tag in the backyard, running around, smiling all the time

Be real.
I am so sick of people who are fucking fake.

Theme Thursday - Candy

Candy memories

I used to love jersey caramels and i remember when i was litte, i'd always go down to the dairy on saturday (pocket money day!!!) and buy as many jersey caramels as i could, and eat them til i felt sick :) those were the good days :P

My cousin's favourite candy used to be chocolate fish. He lived in England and always when he came over, he'd want tons and tons of chocolate fish. Unfortunately he is a strict vegetarian... i remember the day he was informed that chocolate fish contained geltin (substance made from calves hooves)... He cried that day and has never eaten another since.

Those sour lollies that make your tongue blue. Those always were, and still are, awesome.

Zombie chews!! my intermediate school canteen sold them and they were soo good! unfortunately, I have never liked really sour lollies, and they were very sour. So i'd eat mine tiny bit by tiny bit and it used to take me a full week to eat a whole one!!

Watching the charlie the unicorn video with my older cousin right before going to Australia for a holiday, and the whole way saying "Candy Mountain, Charlie! Candy Mountain, Charlie!!!" to my brother because we decided he was grumpy like Charlie... we quoted lines from it all the way there... I remember us saying "Shun the non believer! shunnnnnn...." to my grandmother's new boyfriend and he thought we didn't like him after we said that cos he had no idea what we were on about :(

Those lollies that looked like cigarettes... man you were cool back in the day if you had them! you could pretend you smoked, it was awesome!

Im feeling rather nostalgic now!!

Happy theme thursday :)
(even if it is friday...)

Theme Thursday - White

The moon was nearly full and casting a shadow across his pale face as he strode towards her. "This is for you," he said gruffly as he shoved a box into her hands. He walked away, didn't look back.
She sank down on the ground where she was, in the middle of the road and opened the box. Inside were the ticket stubs from the movie they went to see on their first date. Inside was the corsage he'd bought her for prom which she'd left in her room and it had disappeared two days later. Inside was a love letter she wrote him years ago. Inside was a list of her likes and dislikes - food, colours, places to eat. Inside was his wedding ring. Inside was her heart, and his.
She sat there and wept. Cried for all the pain, for all the happiness, for all the lost time, for all the things she hadn't yet told him. She cried for the loss of what couldve been.
She looked up to see if he'd gone but all she saw was a blinding whiteness directly in front of her. She didn't have time to scream, and felt no pain as she drifted away. And as she drifted away, she looked down at the box that held memories of their life together, and she looked down at him.
"I still love you" she whispered into the nothingness.

Theme Thursday - Wrinkle

sorry for the late post everyone!!

WorryWorryWorry - I feel like thats all that's going around my brain all day sometimes. i dont really stress but i worry... its hard to explain the difference, but its there. Worry is sort of more ponderous and think-y whereas stress is like AHH what do i do! sort of. I don't know. I'm not much good with words.
i worry because
i feel things too deeply
i dont read the signs
i am self centred
i need to wake up from this sleep i have inflicted upon myself
i dont know what to do to snap out of it
i dont feel the way i should feel
i care about people too much
i am not motivated enough
I could go on but I won't bore you... Well wish me luck on not getting worry lines at the age of 17, i might need all the luck i can get! :P

Theme Thursday - Mystery

Life in general is one big mystery to me at the moment

What will i do next year?

What do i ultimately want from life?

Do i still believe what i always thought i knew?

Am i still the sort of person i thought i was?

What do i do about les garçons? :P

Do i still feel how i feel?

How do i know whats real and whats not?

♫Is morality real to me, can i believe in what i cannot see?♫

The answer to all of these is je ne sais pas...

Where do i find these answers to life?

There should be a book.

I promise you that if i find the answers, i'll write a book.

you?

i just don't know how i feel
about anything
anymore

and i hate it
and it frustrates me

why don't i know how i feel?

so i stay in limbo

and that's not fair
but then i don't know exactly how you feel either
but im pretty sure i have a fair idea

♫
Maybe I'm down low.
Maybe I'm up high.
Maybe I'm losing my own mind.
♫

Theme Thursday - Pink

The delicate pink roses lay trodden on, on the floor. Melanie screamed as he struck another blow. She wished she hadn't mentioned his drinking at all. She wished she could take it all back and pretend she was fine with their relationship, with his mood swings. She was such an idiot for mentioning it in the first place - it was all her fault for provoking him. He was in such a good mood when he got home, had bought her roses and everything. And then she had to go and ruin it all. stupid, stupid, stupid. When he was in a good mood, all was right with the world; the sun shone and she glimpsed the chance of the life she craved. She had thought it would be a good time to bring up some of the things that had been troubling her, maybe even tell him about the baby. In a good mood, he could be nothing but happy, right? wrong. she hadn't even told him yet and here he was, punching her over and over. Kicking her when she was down.
Fifteen minutes later she was still lying on the kitchen floor, face turned towards those dirty pink roses, and they were mocking her, reminding her that all attempts at happiness were futile; she knew, she just knew that the baby was gone. and so were her dreams.

Just a bit of fiction for you to read :) i hate colour themes and I never know what to write, so i wrote a story. hope you like it :)

its so confusing understanding you its making me not want to do the things i know i should do

So, i went to Otago yesterday to have a look at the open day at the uni. And, i don't know how to explain it but i felt like something clicked, like yeah this is where i should be. I still don't know what course I want to do or the specific job i want to end up in but i really think that Otago is the place for me :) so that's really awesome, as i was starting to doubt whether going to uni next year was the right thing for me or not and this is just total affirmation that it is. I was thinking about what I'm passionate about to help me decide what job i would like to end up in and i came to the conclusion that the only thing i'm really passionate about is helping people. so i'm thinking social worker or something along those lines? i dont know what else there is... maybe do law and be a child advocate? je ne sais pas : /

Theme Thursday - Bicycle

as soon as i read the topic, one thing immediately came to mind....

I'll leave you with the wonderous sounds of Queen, happy theme thursday everyone :)

Theme Thursday - Draft

I'll set the scene for you;
The room was black as night (perhaps because it was night) and there lay a teenage girl drifting off to the haunting place most often referred to as sleep. But a shadow passed across her face as she remembered that today was thursday and that meant she had forgotten to do her Theme Thursday post! So she then lay there pondering the topic of 'draft' and what she could formulate to write upon for such a topic. She was about to give up as sleep became more and more prominent on her mind (indeed, much more so than 'draft'), but then the two ideas merged upon her realisation that she had once, many moons ago, written a draft letter to someone, and that letter now resided under her bed, unfinished and unwanted.
I am unwilling to post that letter here, but I will speak of it to you, or I feel I shall leave you with far too many unanswered questions!
It was a sparkling spring day, in the year just past, whereupon she found herself in her room, thinking about her beau. She decided to embark upon the act of penning him a letter to tell him how she felt. They had only been courting for two weeks and yet already she knew that one day she would love him. She was not good with words in person but she worked magic with a pen and so she set about her task... Three stops and starts later (and rather a few pieces of paper strewn about the room by this point), she had an initial draft.
But beware, this tale does not have a happy ending, most likely caused by the fact that it was real life, and real life is far from a fairy tale.

change isn't always for the better.

lately i feel like everyone is getting the wrong impression of me. honestly, i wouldn't ever purposely try to hurt someone or make someone angry. That's just not me, thats not what i do or how i act. and anyone who thinks so obviously doesn't know me very well. and lately i just feel like therefore there is no one that knows me very well.
Also i'm not the type of person to hold onto anger, i'm actually quite good at letting go of stuff. but this time i feel like it's backfired on me because the other person is obviously still angry at me (although i do know they are trying to get over it) when actually i have way more reason to be angry than them in the first place!!! so now i feel like because i have forgiven them and gotten over it, they get away scot free whilst i suffer with being hated and talked about behind my back. so why am i the one to suffer? because my nature just gives up anger pretty quick. thats not exactly fair!
it just makes me really sad, thats all. I try to do the right thing and move on from stuff and i end up getting even more hurt because of that.
great.
but i don't know what to do about it.
there's nothing really
because i'm not the type to get revenge either. and i actually am over it so i wouldn't want to anyway.
Thought For The Day:
well usually i'm of the opinion that you need to let go of grudges and forgive people but now i see how that can backfire on you when you're only trying to be fair and do the right thing. so maybe hold onto grudges? but that doesn't sound right either.... well who am i to give advice right now anyway?

Theme Thursday - Lunch

I think that some people in their lives just coast along and go wherever life takes them. In my opinion, this is blind laziness and i dislike people who do this. You need to take action to get where you want to go - if you aim for nothing, you achieve nothing.
Become who you want to be. Do what you want to do. Make things happen, don't just sit back and let things happen to you.
Don't be out to lunch in your own life.

theme thursday - box

there are those who think outside the box. and those who are boxed in for most of their lives. but maybe i am not defined by the box, maybe i am the box. no thats shit but really what i want to say is that i dont really like to be defined by things, as what people are defined by are other people's standards. and i dont need other people's standards, or their judgements. so i hate when people talk about thinking outside the box, as they are measuring themselves by other people, and other people's standards and expectations. whats the point in that?

so throw out that box.

do it.

now.

you know you want to.

i have figured out my problem. i care about people too much. people who dont deserve it. people who dont care. okay so step 1 - figure out the problem, accomplished! step two - fix it... well i dont know how. i cant just not care about people, thats not me. and id have a pretty sad life if i did. so maybe step two should involve trying to only care about people who will appreciate it. unfortuantely though, it seems i dont get a choice who to care about...
man. i think this song was written for the sole purpose of depressing me ♫ I don't want to walk this earth if i gotta do it solo... cos we used to be a team... ♫
but its okay. im pretty excited about this week, just working and hanging out with people and this weekend, me and siobhan have some epic plans ;) so that will be cool. this is what i always do when im sad - i keep myself far too busy to even have time to think. and it works. until i stop. so i keep busybusybusy :D:D
Thought For The Day

always focus on the things that make you happy when theres something you dont want to focus on. personally, my friends, my family, and God make me happy. also millions of random moments - maybe a smile, maybe liam giving me an easter egg yesterday, maybe people at work being excited to see me today. its the little things that really count in the end. the things you'll always remember.

Yellow - Theme Thursday

sorry this is late peoples! :)
as i was pondering the theme of yellow, considering what to write, i was hit with a thought - stars! stars are stereo-typically yellow! and it got me thinking about how in year 11 science, when we got to choose topics, i did astronomy. I loved it soo much! there were 3 girls in our class and like 20 guys, which was a bit crazy. but that wasnt why i loved it honest, i loved that our homework was to stargaze, find jupiter, draw a map of the stars. For me, the most real moment is when im sitting watching the stars. its just the most awesome feeling and i can lie there for hours just staring at the stars. I just look in awe at God's amazing creation and thank Him that i am alive and here to see it. Its just a totally amazing time. in fact, i may go stargaze right now! so il leave you, my fellow bloggers to write your own yellow thoughts whilst i go watch mine in the sky :)

well.

wow. you forgive someone over and over and then they just fucking hurt you again anyway. He really couldnt have hurt me more if he was fucking trying to. you cant just listen to what someone else thinks and then use that against me when you already knew exactly what they were going to think and then to fucking tell me i dont care about them? that was just too far. and then to tell me we cant go out for reasons you knew before we were going out? that is complete bullshit.
I really don't think i have EVER been this mad, ever.
or this hurt.

theme thursday - sign

sometimes, people just don't get it even though thats what all the signs point to. you miss what the person was trying to tell you. guys especially, in my experience, are good at missing point entirely. not noticing the subtle hints. ignoring the signs or maybe not even realising they've been there all along. the right thing to do? the signs will lead you to it if you only look.

this life is anything but certain, but when they close the final curtain we'll get a glimpse of the truth

So. on friday, we had a christian focus day. it ended up being nowhere near as bad as i expected it to be! i even believe that i actually learnt something! the highlight of the day was the speaker, Rob Fox. He was a really good speaker and an amazing guy in the face of adversity. Anyways, he got us to talk about things that made us happy and things that make us sad or angry. So i thought i'd share them on here :)

Things That Make Me Happy:
1) Cory and Mia, my darling siblings who i love to bits
2) Those good friends i can talk to about anything
3) Pink Lamingtons

Things that make me sad/angry
1) Hypocrisy
2) People who abuse others (physical, verbal, any kind really)
3) Thoughtlessness

I hope you have now learnt more than you wanted to know about me :p oh! and guess what! for once, I'm writing a blog when I am in a happy mood :D so unusual! enjoy the non-depressiveness while it lasts, tho i may be like this for a while

Thought For The Day:
♫ whyd you have to go and make things so complicted?
well it sounds like that song was written about me right now, i know. i wish things didn't have to be so complicated but i guess life being simple wouldn't end up being as great as you would think it'd be anyway. maybe if life wasn't complicated, it'd be boring.

everything about you seems to be a lie, a guiltless twisted lie

im having my birthday party on saturday (only like a month late :P) and i have to say that i am pretty damn excited about it!!! It is an Alice in Wonderland Tea Party and we are all dressing up as characters from Alice in Wonderland, and then the girls are staying over at my house and we are going to see the movie the next day :) i have a couple of costumes i could go for that i cant decide between... im going as the queen of hearts and outfit 1) is very regal and queen-like but outfit 2) is quite slutty and very hearts-like... i like slutty.... :P haha nah but i dont know, i cant choose! lol. and its really good that this year it will strictly only be people that i actually want there, im not doing the polite thing by inviting whoever thinks they should come, but only people i actually like, so im pleased about that. its gonna be epic :)
im sort of.. meh... at the moment. a few certain people are acting weird/different and i don't know what to do with any of them! i always think i'll feel better if i just think things through about this but it only makes me feel worse and totally helpless, as with all these people i don't see that there is anything i can do to help the situation but i'm not the sort of person to just sit back and let whatever happens, happen. but i dont know what course of action to take! so i suppose that i shall have to wait and see, just this once. but i hate it.
Thought for the Day?
I know that I don't always have the answers to every situation. Or any answer at all to any situation. But God does, and He has a plan for my life so I've just gotta trust that He knows what's going on and that it's the best for me in the long run. Trust is an overused word, it's a bigger concept than most people realise. To trust someone is to let them have the control and you to not worry about them screwing it up. So i'm handing it over to God bcos he won't screw up. His ways are perfect and i trust that, although everything seems to be going wrong at the time.

theme thursday - green

green, to me at least, represents curiosity. I have no idea why, but have always linked the two in my mind - green represents curiosity.
curiosity.
you know when you meet someone new and you want to find out more about them? im like that at the moment but it is utterly confusing as i am hearing all different stories from all sides. therefore i have decided that i must get to know them myself and disregard all that i have heard/thought i knew because it's all contradictory and if i tried to sort it all out in my mind, i'd just get more confused. they say curiosity killed the cat, but there are cats ALIVE all over the world so this must not always be true?

im just a teenage dirtbag baby

been a while since ive blogged, except for theme thurdsay... must remember to do that lol
well. i've just been reading old blogs and realised that rather a lot of them are a bit depressive... so this blog today will be about happy things :)
happy things.. like rainbows and marshamallows? no....
okay, so maybe today really isnt the right day for my happy blog.... but i will write one, i promise! and it will be full of happy stuff - none of what i'm feeling right now.

about my post a while ago about me not knowing what to do with my life... wow i forgot i wrote that, but i still feel like that a bit. i think i will go to uni though, become a social worker. i see that as doing something useful with my life (hopefully) but maybe i want to do something more? i dont know.... the idea of bible college was a pretty good one... but theres nowhere to go with that! theres no job i want in that field! so i shall keep pondering and hopefully decide sometime before next year :P
thought for the day:
you know what? the whole 'don't worry, be happy' thing is a good idea but a lot easier said than done... but i believe it's possible and so that is what i shall try to do :)

theme thursday - bell

you know where the saying "Saved by the bell" came from? where you do or not, i'll explain... back in the day (this is hundreds of years ago) when they buried people, sometimes they had an illness that made them seem to be dead when they weren't. because of this, unfortunately, some people got buried alive. to prevent these people dying, when they were buried they would have a string attatched to a bell tied on their finger, so if they moved, they could be heard and rescued. sometimes i feel like i'm digging myself deeper and deeper and there seems to be no way out, but i was just thinking about this saying and how it's nice to know that even in a seemingly completely hopeless situation, there is always a way out, though it can be hard to find at the time

♫ i know how i feel, about you now..

Epic moment of realisation yesterday, and another one today. What are these realisations, you may be wanting to ask me? well well well i suppose i can tell you...
1) I am (officially) over him. have been for quite a while but proved it to myself last night
2) when it comes to dating, i am too shallow. hes a nice enough guy, but no. im not attracted so wtf can i do!!
there you go... one good realisation, and one bad. acutally considered goin owt with him to prove im not shallow, but no.... not a good idea methinks... so there you go. my life atm. oh and i nearly forgot to say to the guy of realisation 1) - fuck you. yep i think ive said everything now xD
Thought For The Day:
Though you may not be totally happy with who you are, you cant expect to change it overnight. or sometimes, (depends on what it is), change it at all. so get used to loving being yourself

Theme thursday - Felt

This is how i feel right now. im in such an odd mood tonight. its like i don't know what i want anymore. like, don't know what to do in my life, don't know what i want to achieve. i mean, uni? what's the point? yeah it will help me get a good job and stuff... but so what? why does that matter? i'd rather do something that counts, like...well i don't know what, and thats what the problem is. i would love to go to france and work for a year but i won't have enough money. and actually it might be really cool to go to bible college... but i dont want to be a pastor, so what would i do with that?? hmm all very confusing. its gonna be so weird being back at school... and again, is there a point? arghh i dont know. i just know that i want a life that counts.

well hello there

fuuuck some people can be so insensitive! like, they say 'hey do you remember when we ......" (fill in blank, e.g "talked about going camping") and then say that they did that with someone else and it was fantastic. and ur not particuarly close with them anymore so its like they r rubbing it in ur face. so i was like... cool... arghh some people make me so angry, cos they just don't think about how what they say affects you, even if you don't want it to. well its ok, it didnt affect me as much as it wouldve a month ago. but i still would rather like to punch them haha :P nah not really bt... they just need to think before they say something
so that was my rant for the day, sorry you had to read that xD
Thought For The Day:
just some song lyrics: "i'd rather forget and not slow down, than gather regret for the things i can't change now... cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do" (forget and not slow down - relient k). i really like those lyrics cos they just say that you shouldnt get caught up in all this stuff that doesn't really matter now cos u cant change it anyway, so dont dwell on it - just move on. and thats something i need to think about right now

Theme Thursday - Bread

arghh ive been so bad at remembering to do theme thursday but im doing it today!!! :D

Bread. What a subject!!

When i read the topic, i started thinking about the ingredients in bread and how they are similar to friends we have in life - i know what you're thinking 'what the heck is this chick on about' but let me explain...
Main Raisin Bread Ingredients:
Flour - This is the main ingredient. Kind of bland (and pretty damn gross) on its own, but with other things added it's okay. This is the majority of our friends we aren't particuarly close to; they are okay, but easier to handle when there's other people around and you don't have to talk to them on their own.
Water - We don't need as much of this ingredient as flour, but still essential to the bread. You can have it on its own and it doesn't taste too bad, actually. we have fewer of these friends, but these are the ones we prefer to spend time with, when given a choice. We don't mind spending time with them on their own, but they are also good when you hang out with them with other people.
Baking Soda or Yeast - Makes the bread rise. Yeast feeds off sugars in the bread to do this. This is the sort of person who enjoys putting other people down to make themselves feel better. Completely disgusting on their own. Really, these are the sort of friends we DON'T need.
Raisins - Raisins are really just an addition to the bread, to make it yummy. It wouldn't be raisin bread without them!! Raisins taste really good on their own, maybe even better than in bread. Raisins are the sort of friends we love having, who are really sweet and you want to spend more time with them.

And that is how bread ingredients are like our friends!!