Theme Thursday - History

Some people don't like to talk about their background - family, heritage, whatever. But really, history is what makes us who we are. We learn from who we have been, who we have been with, where we have been. Each new experience we learn from and in the future we will eventually consider as part of our history. So to me, my history is very important. For example, last year I went out with a guy and it just didn't work out cos i wasn't really that interested in him. And thus I have learnt that i want to wait and be sure before going out with someone. If I had not had that experience, I wouldn't have learnt that lesson and it may have affected how my future turns out, if i'd dated the wrong guy in a couple of years time, just rushing into it again and ended up where i didn't want to. So our history, if we choose to acknowledge it and learn from it can affect our future and have positive impacts in our lives. To those who don't like to 'dwell on the past' - you are missing out on important life lessons and learning more about yourself, knowing who you really are as a person. Sometimes there are experiences you'd rather forget, but look carefully and there's always something positive that came out of it, or at least something you can learn from it. My history makes me the person I am today and I am looking foward to making new history for myself right now. Will you let your history make you the person you are?

rawr.

certain people are annoying me so much at the moment! i hate all those things you really wanna say to people but you just cant. so il write a list. probly none of these are to any of you who read this but i just need to get it out. some of you will probly know who they are (all different ppl btw)

'either be my friend or get the fuck out of my life.'

'I really really wish we still talked. i wish we were still friends cos you were always such a good friend to me :) '

'i wish you were a less annoying person cos ur a real good person to talk to but sometimes you just get on my nerves and thats y i dont reply to ur texts - i just cant b botherd seeing you cos of the annoyingness'

I think that person 1) i have to give up on - get out of their life and they will get out of mine, cos right now i dont think they want to be friends with me but they say they do :s

Person 2) yeah we havent talked in the longest time but i miss back when we were gud m8s and could chat about whatever. it seems too late to start again though

Person 3) i really wish they werent so annoying cos they r really cool and i like talking to them

well thankyou fellow bloggers for letting me get that off my chest :) i shall send it off into cyberspace and feel all the more happier for getting it out (i hope).
and now.. less whingeing from me! life is actually reasonably good at the moment, been hanging out with friends lots and working not much, both of which i have been really enjoying :) my friends r awesome and i love you guys xx

Thought For The Day
Be someones friend, or don't be. Don't be that inbetween person who says that they want to be your friend and then don't even try. If you don't want to be, say so. If you do want to be, make an effort. Either is far better than being inbetween and not letting the other person know where they stand. cos it SUCKS for that person.

song

man i was listening to music today and the lyrics to this song r so relevant to my life rite now i thort id post them

the listening - lights

Please excuse me, I'm not thinking clear
It must just be stress
But I likely shouldn't be here, I'm such a mess

I never really ever know what to say
When all of my emotions get in the way
I'm just trying to get us on the same page (Wish I could explain)

I always get it better right afterward
When all the wrong impressions are said and heard
How come I can never get the right words, I need to convey
Wish I could explain The things that I have to work out

I don't feel right
What has come over me, I'm about
To lose my mind

I never really ever know what to say
When all of my emotions get in the way
I'm just trying to get us on the same page (Wish I could explain)

I always get it better right afterward
When all the wrong impressions are said and heard
How come I can never get the right words, I need to convey
Wish I could explain

Can I let the trees do the talking
Can I let the ground do the walking
Can I let the sky fill what's missing
Can I let my mouth do the listening, the listening

I never really ever know what to say
When all of my emotions get in the way
I'm just trying to get us on the same page

I always get it better right afterward
When all the wrong impressions are said and heard
How come I can never get the right words, I need to convey
Wish I could explain
What I mean to say

♫its a shame that it has to be this way... maybe im to blame or maybe we r the same but either way i cant breathe

well. feeling a lot better than at the time of my last post. a lot better.

sometimes i just have all these thoughts going round in my head and id go crazy if i couldnt talk about it. but some people i wish i could talk to but i just cant, i dont know why... like i know what i wanna say but dunno how or cant put it in words... and i hate it. they ask what im thinking and im like.. uhh i dont know...what kind of answer is that! well the honest truth is i dont know how to put it in words. so there ya go, its something i need to get better at. but i dont know where to start!!

annnnd my thought for the day:

whats on my mind today... whats on my mind... everything. and nothing at all. i just think that we all need to keep people around us who are good for us, i know too many people who hang around people who just arent good for them. no im not talking to anyone in particular, its just i think that most of us have someone in our life like that and maybe its time to cut them out. just something to think about.

♫ It's not the end of the world but i can see it from here...

Today i have to say that im in a pretty shitty mood. It just seems that nothing is going right in my life anymore. I can't even pinpoint why, it's just everything. And no one is around to talk to either and i need to talk to someone. Its not your guys' fault obviously, it just so happens that no one seems to be free. And in about an hour i am going to have coffee with my old best friend, we arent so close anymore but i have a feeling im going to end up telling her anything just cos theres no one else right now. we havent seen each other in a couple of months so it will be good to catch up but however i dont particuarly want to tell her all my shit.... i may end up doing so though out of lack of anyone else to talk to. well i think thats enough whingeing from me now :)
think positive jo...
positive....
who am i kidding??

End of Term

Wow i really can't believe it's the end of term already! school year OVER! there's exams of course, and i will be so happy when they are over too. It's slightly surreal that school is actually finished now. no more year twelve. NO MORE BIO! NO MORE MATHS! NO MORE MR HARRISON! I'm happy about this, but as i said, it's all a bit surreal. It feels like tomorrow, i will have to get up and go to school as usual, but no, i get to sleep in :) and then study :(
I really liked the leavers' assembly this year; i thought it was fantastic, especially david withington's awesome pokemon rap! i cant believe he memorized all of that! a very talented person, i must say. but the whole assembly was actually pretty good - leavers' dvd was quite funny but just emotional enough too. overall, good job. Unfortunately, we have to top this next year!! have been brainstorming ideas.... we could go in on a helicopter, or a boat :P actually! a boat! towed by a car! that would be soo cool!
oh! oh! i just remembered! IM DOING DRAMA NEXT YEAR!! or, i added it to my options sheet, so i will hopefully be doing it! you guys better watch out :P it was the couch. they made the decision for me. the couch was handed over to the drama pupils and julia made me go up. thats when i realised i would have to do drama or id be disrespecting the couch :P nah lol but honestly it made me think how much i love drama and then i was like why arent i doing it?!?! ok so it'll be hard, but it's worth it if i love it.
this is me and siobhans official france song and i think it applies now - 'Holiday' by Dizzee Rascal. ITS NOW HOLIDAYS GUYS... if you ignore exams...... :P
we gotta do some crazy stuff these hols guys ;)

France

Im going to France today! but something has put a total damper on it... im still excited of course... but... argh why does everything have to be so friggin complicated?! i was listening to my itunes on shuffle when a song that describes exactly how im feeling came on and i was like omg! lol
♫ I was leaving but im coming back /cos ur heart's in beat with mine.../ Realized I was passing through/From the moment I saw you/I was hypnotized/Couldn't wait to get you alone/So I could walk with you/So I could talk with you, oh... /Let me know whats going on with us ♫
so yes i am excited about france, but its just at the wrong time!! or maybe the other thing has happened at the wrong time? oh well, it will be good to go to france and get a clear head, gain perspective :)
im looking forward to sitting next to siobhan on the plane :) if elyse tries to sit next to me, i swear i will shoot her hehe
well, my next blog might be from the other side of the world :)

...

Wow i just read my last blog -you will be pleased to know that im in a MUCH better mood than i was the last time i blogged! lol that was a bit of a rant wasnt it? anyways im in a very good mood today, mostly because the weather was great and it finally feels like the start of spring :) excitement!!!
hmm, my weekend... i went to hannahs party on fri nite and i had so much fun, it was awesome. lol at the start, me and kristin were so bored, so we kept goin for random walks - i think it seemed pretty dodgy. and maybe it shudve ;) lol nah jj!i drank quite a bit but didnt even get a hangover :O so i was quite proud of myself for that :P and then hung out with kristin on saturday. and then went to church (feeling like a bit of a hypocrite) on sunday night.
on a totally different note, i just want to say that some people need to get over themselves!!!! ok so maybe im thinking of one person in particular... i hate when some people think that something is a big deal AND IT ISNT, like, just deal with it already! seriously! i wanted to punch this person!!! well, thats the end of me being all negative for now, i promise :)
life is pretty damn fantastic at the moment - IM GOIN TO FRANCE IN 3 WEEKS! im super excited, can u tell? lol :P
lalalla im actly in a great mood rite now
thought for the day:
its ok to be annoyed at people or stuff thats happened... but then either just get over it or talk nicely to them and say whats annoying u, if its something they can fix. but holding a grudge and just generally bein a total jerk will get u nowhere, so just shut up!!

...

How do you tell someone to fuck off, politely? yes, im talking about a guy. The problem is that I think he thinks i like him, even though i had an awkward conversation with him where i was quite blunt that I DONT like him. i still want us to be friends, or else i would just tell him to fuck off. also, i dont want to have that awkward convo AGAIN so any ideas on how to subtly let him know im not interested?
for example: i was texting him today on my break when i was at work. he works there too. anyway, i said i was in charge of training the new girl and he said (this is a direct quote) "say hi to her for me. oh and you've got nothing to be worried about, i know her from school."
WHAAT? as if i care if he wants to say hi to some girl. wud i care if he talked to her? no. would i care if he went out with her? no. he seems to think maybe i should have a problem with that..
so thats my little rant lol
cbf with a thought for the day. im not in a thoughtful mood at all

today was a great day :) i thought i had work 12 til 8 but it was only til 3! so that was pretty sweet. so at about 5 i decided to get off my butt and do some work for photography. I drove to ohoka and took some pretty cool photos. and then i went to the graveyard and took some photos. was kind of freaky! and i couldnt get the aperture right as it was quite dark by then :( but i got a couple i liked.

last night i went out for dinner with roseanna, kristin, laurissa and siobhan for roseannas birthday.it was quite cool to hang out with a group of us but not the whole 'circle'

Thought For The Day
meh im not in a thinking kind of mood :P

hmm

i cant sleep :( its annoying, and its been goin on for abowt 5 nights now. it keeps taking me hours to get to sleep, and i dont know why. im not even stressed about anything at the moment.
also, and this is going to sound weird, im finding it hard right now to feel emotion about anything. maybe cos im so sleepy? i dont know. its quite an odd feeling, to just not feel anything all the time. hmm.
thought for the day:
why cant people just be totally straight up with each other, seriously, everything would be so much easier...

man i havent blogged in, like, a month! crazy! well... the reason im blogging now is cos im at home cos im sick and im REALLY REALLY bored. Been throwing up if i even so much as drink half a glass of water. Fun times, i tell ya.
Lately, life has just been goin on as usual. On saturday a few weeks ago, I went to Jo's formal at burnside which was quite fun. And i also went to the after party, which was not so much fun... me and Jo were like the ONLY sober people there. The music was good, but randoms trying to feel you up? not so much ae...
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
hmm im not thinking much at all today. hmm.
well, i think that everyone experiences letdowns in their life and u just gotta keep moving foward cos if u let it get u down too much (oh no, the innuendo LOL) ur just guna b realli sad. But if u dont let it get to u, ur guna enjoy life more

I haven't blogged in a while.
I guess thats cos life is pretty good... its not that exciting but its good. This year, for once, is going at a normal pace. often years go by really fast (for me anyway) but this year its a good pace. I like it.
Im soo looking foward to the french trip but real worried bowt the money... i owe my mum $2000 and i have no spending money yet...
But i am determined this will be a happy blog today so lets not dwell on that.
Life is pretty sweet - for once theres actually nothing wrong. No love interest as of now but i have decided WHO CARES, why are guys (/girls) so important to everyone! plenty of time for that later... like about 70 years or so! so why do people stress so much over it?
anyway, rainbows and butterflies and... happy things... yeah :)

I LOVE YOU ALL and no i am not high lol

Thought for the day:
problems - everyone has 'em. but think about it in the grand scheme of things - 20 years from now, will you care? probly not. so decide not to care NOW.
xxx

It could be the end of the world or just the end of an era

It's mothers day. But i have no mother (that's here anyway). So that's depressing, especially cos i only just remembered.
Sometimes you never realise how someone has affected your life until you think of an idea and trace it back to the source. Quite odd really. Ive been writing my speech about my dad and i realised theres a lot of stuff i could blame him for. Im so over having a father. seriously. but the interesting thing is, my grandad asked me today who God is to me and say the first word to come to my mind - the first word was 'Father' and then 'Protector' and 'Comforter' so i suppose God is my real father which is pretty sweet... people on earth let you down again and again.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
people might let you down when they don't mean to but God is always there to pick up the pieces and he'll never let you down. theres no one on earth id trust with my life but God created my life

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying!!

Je l'aime. et je t'aime ;)
Thought for the day: why do people never say what they mean? i know i do it a lot but i have no idea why. its not like i lie, but e.g il say ''goodbye'' when what i really wanted to say was ''wait. dont go'' maybe i just dont have the guts to say what i feel

The puzzle

People change all the time, I get that. But it's always weird when you don't notice yourself growing apart from someone and then one day it's like, I havent talked to that person in forever! And in fact, you realise that you maybe wanted to grow apart from them. And that maybe you don't remember why you were friends in the first place. But still, theres a part of you that misses them. Friendships are confusing. It's like a puzzle where the pieces change and you have to add new pieces but sometimes you burn old ones. Maybe that only makes sense to me? but at least it makes sense to at least one person then :)
well i suppose my whole blog today is my thought for the day, so there you go

WHY

Why do I get so worked up over such little things?! It's like stuff i should be worried abowt, im not and stuff i shudnt bother with, i obsess over! i think a lot of people are like that but, but why why why?! Im guna try be more laidback about stuff. just everything in general cos i think it can ruin ur day when u get all upset over something that was nothing anyway.
MY FAMILY IS DITCHING ME IN TWO DAYS TO GO TO EUROPE FOR 6 WEEKS!
so, does anyone want me to live at their house in the holidays?! lol im staying with my grandparents, but they annoy the heck out of me. they r nice and everything, but too nice and im just like leave me alone!!!!!! so yeah im kinda depressed that im spending the next 6 weeks with my grandparents while my mum and brother will be in england, europe, scotland and belgium. whoopdedoo for me.
sorry, that was my little rant there. but im finished now. the bright side is that im goin on the french trip in sepetember :) yes i really must focus on being more positive *adds to the mental to-do list*
hmm i shall have a random thought for the day on every blog now. todays thought: i really believe my little brother is the cutest kid on the planet. you wanna argue? - theres no point cos ur WRONG :)

creepy photography

today. was wednesday. I love wednesdays - it's almost like a weekend, but on a wednesday. don't ask what makes it like a weekend - i don't know. It just feels like one.
photography was very exciting today (in both good and bad ways). I found out that the assignment I thought i had a week left to finish is due tomorrow.... that freaked me out! but I developed 3 photos today so im done anyway! and one of them was soooooo freaky! ok i should explain.... There was this pic i photoshopped so that it had three of the same person in it, walking towards the camera. Simple enough, yes? so then i developed it in the darkroom and randomly decided to make it blurry.... and guess what?! i looked at it after i developed it and the people looked all like ghosts coming towards the camera annnd the grass in front kinda formed the sign of the cross (from the blurring) how creepy is that!!!
i heard this song today and the at one point the lyrics say ♫you're perfecting failure!♫ but isnt that an idiom? like can you really perfect failure? like, be good at failure? cos if ur good at it, ur not failing!!! thats my random thought for today :)

I have a blog

My very first blog! this is exciting :P blogs are nearly as exciting as chickens. and let me tell you, chickens are exciting. so... yes... this blog will end up being full of my random wonderings, and random wonderings and general randomness is what makes me, me.
Today was exciting for me; i started to make test strips in the darkroom for photography! That may not sound exciting but it was pretty cool :P i developed pics of siobhan (F) looking very evil indeed hehehe!
sometimes i wonder why we bother. bother with anything. but then i remember that surely if the God who made us can bother with us, we can bother with whatever life throws at us without just sitting back and letting it happen. and that is my random thought for the day.